Paris is where I found my soul

I thought I was always in Paris. That I was just a natural born Paris citizen.
But it wasn't until I realized I was just a lost body in this city, when I found my soul in Paris.
Day one of finding Paris was exciting, It was like I was waking up from a long hibernation and ready to feast.
I wanted to explore every part of Paris, go to the sites i'd never seen before, or walk the paths I didn't usually take. But with this goal came a price.
A price that made me take a step back, and breathe in what I just saw. Because what I wanted was to be so immersed in Paris that I bled Paris, I spoke Paris, and everything about me was Paris. And to become full Paris you need to forget everything you've ever been told in school, everything everyone has ever told you about Paris, and you just need to live Paris.
What I wanted was change. I wanted to change everything I thought I knew about Paris, and start over.
And because I have gone so far into Paris, Paris can never come out of me. I can never leave, it will always be a part of who I am. Because Paris is where I found my soul, and I don't plan on giving it back.

when did freak become an insult?

Sometimes when i'm sad I  put on an essential oil instead of taking pills.
I don't like Microwaves, i think they kill everything good.
I think Ipods self destruct every time a new generation comes out.
I believe you can control what influences your body and what doesn't. It's called agency for a reason, we get to choose.
I think I can do anything I want. Sometimes I think I can fly, but then God says "not yet."
I like to blame parents for peoples problems. But I vomit at the idea of my Saint parents raising a Hellian like me. It's not possible for my parents. But it is for everyone else.
I think we play the victim in this world too much and it's time to be a Warrior and take responsibility for our cuss and move on.
I worship God. Not religion. But I go to church because GOD tells me I need the benefits there.
I think my body hold physical energy and that I can read that energy.
I believe in Chakras, Auras, and Chi because I can feel them. And if I said I didn't believe, i'd be lying to myself.
I like to learn from Animals because I think they cross the street in front of my headlights and just stare because they are trying to tell me something.
I think Marijuana should legal because it's not the Marijuana that's addicting. It's the escape it gives you that keeps you going back. Stop fixing the symptoms and heal the disease.
I wanted Ron Paul for president. I don't think he's crazy.
    This is me. These are my opinions I don't express because human confrontation makes me feel aged. But this is the freak who's best friend at school  is Sue. And this is the freak that spins in her room for fun. I'm the freak. and this is me. ?

Dear Day Dreamer

I received an interesting letter the other day. It wasn't like most other letters. This one didn't come on paper and it wasn't written in ink. My letter's canvas was the sky, and the ink was the clouds. My letter started like this.

"Hey, I know you like to look up here, so I knew if I had to tell you something, the only way to talk was through looking up. Because I know you never look down. You never look down at me. But I'm here. Being wasted away. 

Listen Day Dreamer, we need to talk. There's some things I need to let out of my soul. First off, you're making me weak, if I go this long without being used I'll crumble, I'll forget what my purpose is. I NEED A PURPOSE. Second of all, stop suffocating me, these double layered body bags you put on me are killing my ability to breath, to feel. Lastly, get your head out of the clouds, and come down to my level. See the trees roots not the branches because you need to focus on the beginning don't dwell on the end. Come down to my level and feel the earth, the dirt, the insects, the leaves, feel the living energy around you, stop staring at the energy you can't touch. Day Dreamer you're turning into a reservoir  you have dirty water inside you; not moving, not changing, just waiting. Please move again, I don't want to turn into a dying bottom dweller. Move Day Dreamer.

Sincerely 

You're Feet"

I wish I had a Repeat Button

I wish I had a Repeat button. So I could start this song over and over and it would never end.
I wish a had a Repeat button so this day would never cease. So I could repeat the Best day before the Worst.
I wish I had a Repeat button so I could hear you tell me you love me over and over again to block out the pain from when you stopped telling me.
I wish I had a Repeat button so I'd never have to leave my Grandpa's lap, he'd never stopped telling me what a cute shit I was, and he'd never stop asking what grade I was.
I wish I had a Repeat button so we could still be children and and our only problem was who was going to play Ken and who would play Barbie.

I wish I had a Repeat button so the leaves always stayed green, the flowers never died, the sun never went down, the water never stopped running and my heart never started hurting and my hair never stopped waving and my feet never stopped touching, and I never stopped laughing.
I wish I had a Repeat button to make life a liar and never start growing.

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend

How to avoid Pain

Today Ladies and Gents i'm going to show you how to get rid of Pain, the question everyone is asking for.
First, we'll start with physical pain. You will need an astronaut suit with heavy duty padding. Now this suit can NOT protect you from being hit by a car. But that leads us to Step 2 of avoiding physical pain and that is never going past 100 feet of your home. You can avoid germs, cars, bikes, and people, so you are set. j

Now for emotional pain, which honestly folks is everyone's least favorite. To achieve this you will need to go out and buy every book you can on any subject you want to learn about, then get rid of your computer, your television and your windows, because letting the human race inside can only cause damage. After you've stalked up on the books, stalk up on food. Because if you never leave your house again you will starve unless you have a life supply. So get all the goodies you need, so you will NEVER leave your house. After you are stalked up, fake your death so everyone will leave you alone. Remember, this is most important, PEOPLE = PAIN. Even if people don't try to hurt you, sometimes they will, and sometime people DO try to hurt you, so better to be safe then sorry.

Honestly the best thing to do to avoid pain, better then any of those steps, STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE. It's amazing how if you just stop taking risks, stop falling in love, stop moving, stop feeling, ANYTHING you can't feel pain. Because if you can't feel love you can never feel hate. If you can't feel joy you will never feel sadness. If you can't feel Life you can't feel Pain. Because Life is Pain, and it is BEAUTIFUL.

Today I met myself

I met a vampire today
He told me he was a creature of the dark and that I was just like him. He told me to come to the shadows because that's where I belong. He told me all the things that were wrong with me. He told me I was prideful, greedy, devious, and extorting Life out of Universe. He showed me where I belonged, and told me to join him.

And I said to Hell with that.

I am a creature of the light because I am full of light. I am full of light and power and freedom. I don't hide my flaws in the black I bring my flaws to the white, and turn them into color. I bring Life into Universe because without me this Life would be black, not even a white canvas full of the anticipation of possibility; but black, void and empty. I am a bruised, painted, morphing piece of flesh; i'm not a lost soul stuck in mortality and never changing. I am change, I am flow, I am the trees and birds and the river. I am the breath, blood, and heart. I am Human.

Grand thief at Poetry

The world and its mistress returned to his house; and twinkled hilariously on his lawn. But with a potential second outcome at stake, there's an inherent pressure. I reckon it was going to be a grand surprise to him. When he was innocent but proven guilty; but they may withdraw. Because he's been practically ripping her clothes off every time there's been a camera.
But what didn't she like about it?
Can you remember? Did he kill her captain too? Her captain nodded as if he expected as much.
The only problem after she sank, she combined speed with surprise. He said oh "what do I care?" one final element of subordinate behavior deserves consideration and the creep did not get fired. But Saturday was chosen for her expulsion. Her father wasn't there. So she dropped out, she worked a lot
She doesn't understand.

I passed

Do you remember?

Do you remember singing songs about Hobos? And thinking we could make it big. Do you remember watching rated R movie in your basement? You never told me, and my innocence was lost forever. Remember when you gave me vodka? Yeah you never told me about that one too. Do you remember inventing rides and making me be the guinea pig? I remember my scars, they still show on my knees. Do you remember making the Hyper Blaster 3000 and we couldn't stop laughing? Remember when we put dirt in water and made Tyler drink it because we told him it was chocolate milk? Remember when he actually did? Remember making water balloons and using them as pets? And we cried when they popped. Remember singing to Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Did you know I still have the songs memorized? Remembering when we cried at the end of season 7?

Remember sliding off your mattress onto the floor, and I learned my first Icelandic word. Remember making a Mormon Cappuccino? and filming a commercial for it? Remember my awful perm? Remember my Capri's? Well you should you made fun of me for wearing them (they weren't baby pants!) Remember when we came to High school and became loosers who eat lunch with Mr. Nelson because people scare us? Yeah I remember the good times.

Yeah, I remember.

Lex
 I remember listening to music so I couldn't hear myself cry. I remember watching you fall down the stairs because you passed out. I remember thinking you were crazy. I remember you making me sit in a corner because when I ate candy it was too noisy for you. I remember telling my friends about you, and they just stared. I remember seeing your guilty defiant face when you ate those six pills. I remember coming to visit you and all I wanted was a hug, not a robot. I remember you screaming at the world, you kept saying "this isn't your fault, this isn't your fault, this isn't your fault..." But I remember that it was.

Lace
I remember coming into your room because you were crying. I don't remember what happened to you, but I remember I was angry. I remember when you'd spit on me, I thought you were a boy. I remember when you'd sneak out, I never told because I remember I wanted you to trust me, But I remember I should've told, maybe I wouldn't have to remember all the memories. I remember you coming home covered in throw up, and you brought a friend with you. I remember when I hugged you goodnight and you smelt funny..you got in trouble that night.  I remember you hating Cabbage Roman noodle salad,  and mason jars and ribs, because it reminded you of him.

But I remember when we'd hold hands and dance around books, and when we touched the book, I remember we had to hit our heads on the table for fun (but I remember too well.) I remember when LMFAO was actually good. I remember singing about pants being too high and how it made his package look reeeaaall nice. I remember singing about dogs in a window and my step grandpa would harmonize (bark bark). I remember going up the canyon and proclaiming to the universe that we were powerful. I remember when we used to beat each other up (and I still have the scar on my head from that key) but I remember we were laughing the whole time. Until you shoved me in the bathtub full of water, then I remember I cried. I remember making up songs about knights and dragons. I remember when we became best friends, and I'll never forget.

Smile

Smile at your mom
Smile at your dad
Smile at a homeless man
Smile at a stranger in a pea-coat
Smile at a cute guy
Smile at a hott girl
Smile at a McDonald's worker
Smile at a teacher
Smile at a student
Smile at toddler
Smile at a baby
Smile at a pregnant lady
Smile at the sun
Smile at the moon, then howl
Smile at the trees
Smile at water
Smile at the Devil, then laugh.

Create.

write. paint. dance. sing. live.

Write because no one will hear what you have to say, but they all want to see what you mean. Write because   life sucks sometimes all you have is pen and paper, they'll never leave you. Write because everyone wants their voice to be heard and everyone's ears are plugged into Apple. Write because it's beautiful.

Paint because you're a mute and you can't make people stop and stare unless you have a canvas and brush in hand. Paint because your eyes see the world in color while everyone else is stuck in gray. Paint because you're throwing your soul on White and it is beautiful.

Dance because the only thing you know how to do is move. Dance to show everyone who says they can't they are liars. Dance because nothing makes you feel more alive then 1,2, step. Dance because no one will listen and no one will see but you will make them all watch.Dance because movement is the same in all countries. Dance because you're not afraid to show the world you're beautiful.

Sing because music connects every heart. Sing because you want to be heard and you're tired of no one listening. Sing because it opens the soul and everyone has forgotten where they placed there's. Sing because it feels natural. Sing because every voice has it's own pitch in this symphony we call life; and no matter how ugly is gets, it'll still beautiful.

Live and create. create your life then Destroy. and begin again.

You have been given Direct Orders

You've been given direct orders to loose yourself. 

Loose yourself like you've just found love for the first time, and no one told you life is pain. Loose yourself like you're favorite song came on the radio and the world disappeared for a moment. Loose yourself like Enya came to your yoga class and did a live performance. Loose yourself like it's senior year and you just graduated and you actually KNOW what you want to do with your life. Loose yourself like it's senior year and you just graduated and you don't give a cuss about what you're gonna do; you're just gonna live your life. Loose yourself like for the first time you're not depressed, for the first time you're not worried about washing your hand ten times a day, like the universe blew up, and nothing matters but this moment. Loose yourself like you just told you're oppressor "screw you". Loose yourself like you just came off the corner because you're tired to being treated like cuss and you got a real job (where my money at?) Loose yourself like a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon is showing all weekend and you have no plans. Loose yourself like you just turned into Picasso and you're in a room full of paint and a white wall. Loose yourself like there's no crime, no pain, the anarchist just seized the day and the only thing that matters is this moment, this life.

Loose- free or released from fastening or attachment. Free from anything that binds or restrains.

Let me be a SuperHero for just 5 seconds please

I've been thinking about life
I've been thinking about why children go without parents and why parents go without love
I've been thinking about why little boys get abused and why girls get raped
I've been thinking about why Africa is starving and America is fat
Why Ukraine has orphanages and why we need orphanages in the first place
Why a mother says goodnight to her boy and is only thinking about the next hit
The next rush the next time she feels alive. Because this life is too hard, and she can't live in it's reality, she's dead.
I ask myself why because I want to know how, and I question who.
I ask myself why because I need to fix it. I need to fix everyone; why can't I fix everyone?
Why aren't my hands good enough to save the world?

I need to be a superhero. I need a super power. Maybe I could be invisible and catch the robber. Or have super strength and hand cuff the killer. Or I could send food out of the sky so no one starves anymore.
I need to be a superhero, but is there a power that heals the heart?

No amount of duct tape

I went to our spot today.
That swing we made up on the hill.
Where we used to go to feel free, to dream, to create.
We used to stay up there for hours just thinking and dreaming what our lives would be, who we'd become, what would make us special.
But one day something changed. We grew up, got old. Our dreams of empty canvases were pushed out of us and replaced with lines and pencils.
I kept my Canvas in my head and showed my lined paper on my skin, just the surface though.
But you disappeared. You turned to charcoal inside, your paint dried, your canvas cracked and your heart broke. And all at once I knew I lost you, and you knew you lost yourself. So you decided to get lost and never come back. Your body..bleeding and broken and no amount of duct tape could fix you or the part of me you took with you.
Somehow our swing still sways up on that hill. I come up here everyday because i'll never forget our dreams, and our lives. I'll swing up here until the day I can touch you again. Because you and me and ou swing; we were alive, and we were infinite.

Life and Hell

Dear Life,
I'm mad at you. I keep trying to plan you and I try to plan every day I have with you. But you always fall through! You just don't listen to anything I say. We have no communication. You just do whatever you want without even asking me first. Why can't you cooperate with me? I mean seriously, is it that hard to ask for just a little help? I hate you.

Dear Idiot trying to "plan" me
You can't plan spontaneity. I don't abide your schedule or your agenda nor anyone else's, and let me tell you, you're not the first to try. And every time I see someones world crumbling down because they can't adapt. I just count the tally and move on. If you hate me then I hate you. I hope we can still be friends.
Life

This used to be me. I used to obsess about getting my way. I wanted my life to go exactly how I wanted and I wanted it all. But one day my life came crumbling. My family went to Hell, and we've gone to Hell so many times we have our own living space there. It was like a home away from home, "Welcome back...again" was planked on our Hell home.  But Going to Hell taught me some things.

I learned to learn from Pain, Hell taught me to listen to Pain, because it's a just a lesson i'm learning the hard way.
I learned to heal, heal because Life has this thing called Law of Attraction. And if I didn't heal fast, i'd only attract wounds. Open sores that no matter how hard I picked at, they would just get worse and worse.
Hell taught me to be adaptable. Because you never know the tricks up the devils sleeve. And as long as I expected everything, I could conquer everything.
I learned about my fears. I came face to face with every last one of them. I wasn't afraid of the dark though  because the dark was my only blanket, the darkness was my mask. It was the light I was afraid of, the light bouncing off the mirrors that showed the world who I was. I was stripped and I had to face myself. But I found that all my fears were just unanswered questions I had. Questions about my ex friend Life, about myself and about everyone around me. Once I answered those questions, there were no longer fears.

So I came back home from our vacation. I came back to Life, and I was ready to change. I was tired of feeling crushed every time something didn't go my way. I brought to Life what I learned from Hell.

Dear Life
I love you.

5,7,7

No one knows what happened that day. The 5th of May.
It's a secret i'm hiding. I'm afraid to let it go. So I've buried it. I've buried deep down in my marrow and I won't bring it up.
Don't look at my face. Don't look at my skin. Because It's a lie; i'm lying to you.

I'm half Chameleon, I get it from my fathers side. I'm still lying to you.
Don't listen to my mouth, because it's just two pieces of skin. And i'm still a Chameleon.

I've kept my secret hidden so well I forget where I put it. But when I lay awake at night I feel it, churning, crippling me from the inside. Because I remember my secret's in my bones, It's whats crippling me. My secret's attacking me, giving me arthritis, not letting me move, live, breathe. It's turning my innocent bones black.

So I try to cover my bones with fat, and clothes and the Sun. I try to hide from my bones by disappearing from my body; just taking a quick break is all. I'll be back in the morning...with a huge headache and vomit. I hide my secret well. I show my family i'm happy, I show my friends i'm hyper, but I can't fool the mirror. Because I know, it's there. And when I don't eat, i'm secretly trying to show my secret. My skin is stretched thin to show the traitor that aches my bones. So maybe someday someone will ask, "What happened to you that day? Why are your bones black?"

My bones are screaming "HELP ME! Because I'm afraid to face the pain on my own. And I just want to be innocent bones again."

Please shut up.

I'm thinking
I'm thinking
I'm thinking.
All I ever do is think. I think about the sky because how can something so beautiful be put on this hell?
I think about trees and rivers and oceans because that's where I go to find peter pan. I think about why girls only think about boys, and I think about why boys only think about certain girls. And I think about school because it's a constant pressure to pretend i'm a robot.
I think about cats. why? I don't know but I do. And I think about dogs because the movies tell me they chase cats but i've never seen that. I think about Las Vegas, and how there can be so many hookers and saints in one city.
I can't stop thinking. I can't shut this machine down because i've lost the shut down button, and i'll never find it. and that scares me. Because If I can't stop thinking how can I observe? How can I live in the present if i'm lost in my past?
All I ask for is silence. Silence from my mind to listen to the world. Because there is so much around me that I have yet to listen to. So much I need to learn from my body and soul instead of being taught by a train moving backwards.
So show me the shut down button, so I can live up and live free.

Don't let the Haters (tourists) get you down

This one's for Mr. Nelson or as Ann Ominous likes to call him the Omnipotent Parisian. 
I would just like to say from all the people who are LOVING this class; Thank you Mr. Nelson. You've made me think, and feel, and think about what I feel. You've opened my eyes to new possibilities and to my own self. Because lets get real, how many times a class do you try to pound into our sub craniums that we are all creative beings? We all have the potential to creative greatness. Mr. Nelson thank you for the all exclusive trip to Paris. Not a lot of people would be willing to give up so much to help a bunch of high schoolers see the world. 
 I know you don't like big chunks of text so i'll break it up for you.

Thank

You

Nelson!

I know this isn't the most poetic thank you posts, we can leave that to my "adopted" star crossed lover parents. But from all the citizens in a town full of tourists, you make a really good crazy artist who opens everyone's eyes and lives in a cafe, because you're too cool to be the Governor. 

Sincerely 

The French

I'll Swim till the Water dries up

In my depths I was drowning
You aren't my life jacket; you taught me how to swim again
You taught me to come up to the surface and breathe through this
You were my rope you fastened me up and brought me to Light
You showed me my strength and opened my eyes to this new world
You cleaned my mirror and made me face myself to see my real self instead of some fragile glass looking back
Thank you lungs for showing me how to breathe again.

I've created a nightmare

You'll never be good enough.
You can't do it, you're too weak.
You won't win, you'll crumble and cry
You're not pretty enough
You're not better, faster, stronger

I'm afraid of myself. I hope to fly but I cut down my wings. I'm afraid of this monster I've created telling me I can't, I'm weak. I'm of no value. I'm afraid to look in the mirror because all I hear is my monster tearing me down. I'm afraid to speak up because my monster is yelling at me i'm no good, and I can't even hear myself think enough to collect my thoughts. I'm my own worst enemy. I can't run I can't hide, I just listen. And most of the time I believe the Acid spilling through my cerebellum. Because I know nothing else, it's just always there. I''m afraid of this monster I've created, because I don't know how to loose it.

What is love? ...oh cuss....

I'm tired of hearing how badly love sucks. And I'm annoyed of all the devastating love pains. I'm sorry your life sucks but I'm not in the mood to hear it.
On the other hand I think people obsessed with the opposite sex are annoying. The girls who talk about how badly they want a boyfriend. And the girls who are in love with love.
Neither of these are love.
Love is beautiful. Love hits the heart so deep it's etched there forever. Once you love, you never go back. Something about love has everyone talking, and everyone crying. Love is everywhere. Whether it's a family love, or a religious love, or a food love, or a lovers love. It's everywhere. It exists without you, but moves through you. Love and life are best friends. Because a life without love, is like Frog without Toad, it just doesn't feel right. Love is when you're in your favorite outdoor setting, then the world stops, and it's just you and Nature; just talking, relaxing, breathing.
Now i'm just a seventeen year old...fox and I've been in love twice with two other...foxes. But I'm in love everyday. I'm in love with Life. No matter how damned this earth is, I still see the beauty in everything. I look past Life's faults and I love Life for what it is. It's a messy relationship, on and off again sort of deal. When it's off I feel awful and It's hard to go on. But when it's on again, i'm on cloud 9. And nothing can touch me.
I can't describe love, but I feel it. I feel it everyday, because i'm alive everyday.

Who how? What now?

Someone tried to tell me my life is a test. That I need to "prove" myself. That I need to fix my broken soul.

But I didn't listen.

Tests are for pupils to spit back out the info they saw but never understood

Tests are for insecure teachers so they feel in control.

Tests aren't for life. They aren't for me or for you.

God doesn't give me tests, God gave me the universe and said "Live, Create, Destroy."

Live whole because you are whole, and anyone who tells you otherwise is blinded by Hell

Because Hell is the island of misfit toys

Hell is for "broken" men trying to "fix and find" themselves with red duct tape, and a road map to no where.

Life is for being aware that you are whole

For moving through the pain that can either teach you or blind you

Because as much as we are afraid of him, he is the best teacher we have.

Life, is for living, not mending.

I believe I can fly though I have no wings

What is it about flying that makes our heart skip a beat? That makes our imagination soar and our stomachs yearn! What is it about flying that makes us all mad at the birds because of our green monster. I look at the birds and all I want is to join them, no matter how dangerous it is, I want to fly, I want to be free. I want to spite My Mother of Green and Blue. I want to shove my wings in her face and show her how high I can fly and to prove she can't control me to stay on the ground. My Mother of Green and Blue mocks me. She shoves birds in my face and says " go on try it, try to fly, try to be free, I'll still have you." So this is me, trying to prove My Mother of Green and Blue wrong. I will fly, and I will fall, but for one moment... I'll be on top of the world.

Dear Robot

Dear Robot,
I hope you don't get offended by what i'm about to say, I hope you don't stop and maybe listen to what i'm trying to say, and I really hope this doesn't make you want to change. (but you're a robot so you can't feel anyways... which sucks).
Dear Robot,
You suck my dear, you suck the life out of me, you suck the fun out of my life, and you sucked me into your cold machinery every time I see you.
Dear Robot,
I hope you get incinerated and turned into a heart. That's when I'd say "Karma's a bitch" my friend. Because you never loved me, you lied to me, you spat out your information to make me feel good then let your acid mucus churn my heart. But of course you  never loved me,you can't love, you're a Robot.
Dear Robot,
I hope your hard drive crashes. I hope you over heat, I hope you're memory gets whipped clean, and I hope the only information you can throw at people is "hello I'm a Robot and I'm broken." Because when you shut me off that sentence was all I could put out.
Dear Robot,
I want you to know I am happy without you, without my personal dead feeder. I'm happy because as much as it hurt me when you shut me off, you gave me room to crawl out of my metal shell and feel. I'm happy because I feed on life instead of death now, and I'm high on my main course.

Who am I?

Why am I here? I am here to open your minds, to spark your creativity, to show you the world. I am here to give you pain, I am here to make you learn the hard way, and I am here for you to grow. Who am I? I am the heartache, I am the darkness that goes bump in the night, yet I am also the light. I am the light that makes everything worth it, I am the light that exist without you but flows through you. I am the beauty, the love, the hate. I am the murder, the pain a mother feels when her son is sent to jail, and the joy she feels when he has changed his life. I am truth, I am the best teacher you have and the one you all hate, I am Life.